I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
