And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
