just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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