I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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