I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
