she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
