remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
where are you?
Hypothermia
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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