My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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