i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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