some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
