Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
