I will die if light touches me.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
this is an emotional support booty call
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
