I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
