The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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