Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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