shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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