I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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