He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You pole danced in your parka.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize