there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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