using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
