I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
