so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
