Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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