hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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