I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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