totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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