So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
