Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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