I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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