here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
