R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
