"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
