I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
