Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
