If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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