My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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