...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
