Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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