her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
