if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
