I can text with my tongue
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Life is so much better after having sex.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
