Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
