I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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