He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We are two peas in an std pod
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
