seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
