it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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