We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
