i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
