I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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