i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
