I bet he comes in French.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
3 2 1 whiskey
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
