I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
