yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
