Got a toothbrush?
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
