I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
