He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
