Whod you bang
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Randomize
