He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
