Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
