i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
