I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
