please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
