don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
