threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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