I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize