I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
