Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
