if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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