Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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